A Thousand Times No

I love Apple’s Keynote presentation software — except when I hate it.  It gives people fine-grained control over the placement and movement of screen elements, has a whole set of useful slide and text transitions, and effectively permits people to create rudimentary, prompt-triggered animation.

It also creates files that are more bloated than the Wall Street of, oh, a year ago.

I know I’m using film clips and lots of photos, but why on earth does the resulting Keynote file have to be over 150MB in size?  For a five-minute presentation?

And why is Keynote refusing to accurately capture the timing whenever I try to pre-record a timed presentation?  I click, I click, things go along, and then the replay stalls.  I click, I click, things fail.  Peforming a “Save As” or a file duplication doesn’t reduce the file size.

On top of all this, Keynote will almost certainly forget my birthday, never send flowers, and probably be seen around town with lots of other women.  Yet I’ll keep going back, because I’m a sucker for a pretty face, not to mention how it handles in the dark.