Name that blockbuster
(or “How To Tell Which New Hit Movie Is Which”)
It has come to our attention that numerous similarities between two of the summer’s biggest films — “WALL•E” and “Wanted” — both of which opened yesterday, may create confusion among movie-viewing audiences. Consider:
Our humble hero leads a mundane, utterly unheroic existence marked by repetitive tasks and mind-numbing routine. Then, one day, out of the blue, SHE drops into our hero’s life — sleek, sexy, otherworldly, guns ablaze. Our hero feels compelled to follow her into an unknown corner of the universe, and thereby fulfill his destiny.
Since this could describe either flick, here’s some helpful cues that distinguish one film from the other:
If the film contains:
- Cockroaches
- Our hero handling a brassiere
- Characters devoted to obsessive cleanliness
- No dialogue during the first half-hour
…then you are watching “WALL•E”
If the film contains:
- Rats
- Actual cleavage
- Characters engaging in recurrent bathing
- No meaningful dialogue during the entire film
…then you are watching “Wanted”
We hope you enjoy the summer blockbuster(s) of your choice. Please remember to turn off all cell phones and pagers, and to keep the movie theater afloat financially by patronizing the exorbitantly priced concession stand. Thank you!
