Pr0n Week, Day 1: Org Pr0n
I’ve been spending the day picking up my house, stumbling across item after item of Org Pr0n. What is Org Pr0n? Oh, you know it when you see it. It’s the stuff that hyp-mo-tizes you into believing that with just a couple of extra hints, you’ll be able to have a clean workspace, a coordinated calendar, every thing in its place and a place for every thing.
Just like every other type of pr0n, it plays upon your extravagant, unattainable fantasies — and dips into your wallet.
I have so much Org Pr0n in my house, I need someone to come help me organize it. Don’t believe me? Here’s some highlights:
- Do-It-Yourself Home Org Pr0n
This is the stuff that deludes you into thinking you’ll finally learn to clean swifter than the dust bunnies in your house can breed. The ne plus ultra of this genre is Cheryl Mendelson’s dazzlingly comprehensive Home Comforts, a compendium of everything anyone could possibly need to know about making a home homey. Keep in mind that Mendelson holds a J.D. from Harvard Law School and a Ph.D. from the University of Rochester. That’s the kind of brains it takes to master this stuff. (If she had hired a housekeeper, she doubtless would have cured cancer. While being President. Of the both the U.S. and France at the same time.) My illicit quickie in this category is Tom McNulty’s Clean Like a Man, which whispers naughty things in my ear like “If you can’t see it, don’t clean it. Dusting the tops of cupboards and overhead fan blades, for example, are tasks that have ‘once a year’ written all over them. Has anyone ever climbed up there to look for dust?” Mercy, I’m feeling lightheaded already.
- Mormon Org Pr0n
I would be remiss, given the recent outburst of LDS love here, if I failed to mention this special subgenre. Thou shalt not covet…but thou shalt Covey. It’s Stephen Covey’s world, I just waste time in it. In my house you will find Franklin Planner paraphernalia, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, First Things First, and more. Or to be more accurate, you would find them…if my house were better organized.
- Softcore Org Pr0n
Yes, I have a subscription to Real Simple magazine. I read it for the articles, I swear.
- K.I.S.S. Org Pr0n
Ah, the ones who promise you they don’t want anything complicated. Julie Morgenstern’s Organizing from the Inside Out, Time Management from the Inside Out, and Making Work Work are all floating about in my domicile. I’ve dallied with Getting Things Done guru David Allen. Yet I wake up in the morning, gaze upon the dirty socks that grace my floor, and feel strangely empty. Whatever happened to commitment?
- Online Org Pr0n
Aw, come on, I’m over 21. Let me ogle my Unclutterer and Remember the Milk in peace.
See what I mean about my little problem? And this is only the beginning…
Pr0n Week 2007: Let’s Mess Around.
