La maison du chien
And now, a small snippet of urban life:
The scene: Trader Joe’s, less than 30 minutes to closing. I’m walking to the checkout aisle with a basket full of this-n-that. As I approach the line, a young guy is close on my heels — so close, he’s almost bumping into me. While we wait in line, he remains justthisclose, clutching a bundle of flowers in his hand.
As a courtesy, I gesture for him to go ahead of me when it’s my turn at the register. Without a word or any gesture of acknowledgment, he quickly moves around me to the cashier. While using a credit card to pay for the flowers, he refrains from saying a word to the characteristically friendly TJ’s cashier, leaving us all standing around in silence while the transaction is being electronically processed.
Okay, Flower Boy, a few pointers:
- Don’t buy flowers for a woman only when you’re in the doghouse. This turns flowers into a Pavlovian ringer for unpleasant things — like funerals, and “Whoops, I did it again.”
- If you do buy flowers in order to get in someone’s good graces, try to spring for something more than a cluster of alstroemeria. The label may say “Peruvian lilies,” but buying the most inexpensive, uncreative clump of filler flora in a grocery store says “I’m cheap…AND thoughtless.”
- Try this on for size: “Thanks.” If you learn to use that word a little more often, you won’t need to rush into shops late at night searching for a relationship shovel made out of chlorophyll.
Exeunt doghouse, pursued by a bear (and flowers) from deepest Peru.
I buried a daughter once, a few days after she was still born. I went into a florist’s that morning and I was like a zombie. Asking for a wreath, having to explain it was for a little girl, my little girl, trying to buy the appropriate thing not knowing what it was. Trying not to cry saying the words out loud. As unlikely as it might be that this person was in similar shoes, imagine that by some unlikely coincidence he was. In the universal scheme of things, you might someday want to be afforded
some grace and leeway by humanity in general.
And not have somebody counting your items in the ten items or less lane… abriefsynopsis.com
Y’know, this would go down much easier if you didn’t hide behind a pseudonym, a forged email address, and a fake URL all the way from Dublin.
And if you hadn’t stumbled upon this site under the search string “greg lemond fuck”.
Once more, with feeling: Reading is fundamental.
(Oh, the sanctimony.)
That said, I’m more sorry for your pain and loss than I’m sure you could ever imagine.
Very nice write-up, made me laugh.
The first commenter was quite a downer, having burried my little sister just shy of two years ago, it quite dampened my happy feelings.
But beyond that, I like the way you write and your recommendations were quite clever.
Thanks!