No 41: Hostiness twinkle?
The Corporation for Public Broadcasting is in the midst of conducting a talent search for new radio voices. The open-call wing of their search, which organizers have nicknamed “This American Idol,” is being conducted online at publicradioquest.com. Though there is a long string of legalese about the contest rules and criteria, it all boils down to what the judges are calling “Hostiness” — the ineffable quality that makes listeners pause their radio dials on the left side of the FM band in order to keep listening.
Naturally, I put in a submission. The two-minute time restriction on our demos, combined with the personal profile questions, felt uncannily like NPR-meets-speed-dating, so that’s where I went with my sample clip. Go ahead and listen in, and put in a vote for me if you feel like registering for the site.
If I seem lukewarm in my pronouncements, I am. Of course, I’d like to advance in the talent competition. But to be perfectly honest, I doubt that will happen. I’m happy with my audition concept, the final script, and the production values. Still, I’ve listened to the competition, and there’s a lot of really fantastic work out there. More to the point, my own submission was short on “hostiness,” the relaxed, intimate twinkle that draws listeners in. I’m frustrated, because I know I’ve got plenty of hostiness in me, and if you’re a regular listener, you know it, too.
Unfortunately, I ran into some technical problems during the recording of my voiceover. While I had an early reading that I really liked, the sound levels came in unbelievably low, making my voice resemble a small fly buzzing off the wall. I couldn’t figure out how to adequately correct the gain levels in the original sound file, so I just ended up re-recording. And re-recording. And re-recording.
By the time I completed the take that was finally submitted, I was deeply fatigued. I was also speaking with a ponderous, projection-heavy cadence, fretting about making myself heard in the microphone. The result: a professional, but stultified sound, with a little too much punchiness in the mix. If I were a Hostiness snack, I’d be more Sinkie than Twinkie.
I finally figured out how the correct the volume levels on my preferred voiceover — after I put in my submission. Since then, I’ve been plagued by the sinking sensation of reaching the platform just as the train begins to pull out of the station.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously wrote in a legal opinion that he could not legally define obscenity, but “I know it when I see it.” I can’t define hostiness, but I know it when I hear it. If you listen to the submitted clip back-to-back with The Better Take above, and I think you’ll understand what I mean.
My entry speaks of consolation prizes, and I guess this is where I have to take my comfort: at least I’ve got the ears to know the difference.
